The (28) Stages of Running a 5k

 Hi bookworms! Sorry this book is so overdue, but I'm back!

I've been running for many years, but I'm not... the most consistent runner. I do ten minute miles - not bad - but I can do better. Every year, my town holds a Turkey Trot. And every fricking year, I do bad. Okay, not terrible, but I have asthma, and it sucks running in the cold weather with asthma. But I do it. Every. Year.
   On November 21st, I ran. These are my thoughts.

1. Okay! I should start running fast to get a head start.
2. Darn it I'm slowing down. Maybe I'll just keep a pace.
3. Fudge. A hill. To start off with, seriously?!?!
4. Nope, Ella, you can do this.
5. It's too cold for this! Literally, my lungs are on fire.
6. Owwwww side ache. Or is it appendicitis? Darn it. ugghhh it hurts so bad.
7. yay! downhill. Look at all the people behind me.
8. WEEEE can I get a 2 syllabled DAYYYUMMM because I am doing goood!
9. Owww it's back again.
10. bad cramp bad cramp bad cramp.
11. Why did I even bother to do this? Like, seriously?
12. This is only, like, 3.1 miles! I'm a quarter way in! Which is basically half! So two of those is... a 5k! Wooohooo
13. Halfway there and I can't breathe
14. How do people run marathons? That's almost 8 times what I'm running right nowwww whoa.
15. We are on flat land. I'm doing good
16. Sing a song in your head! Think about what is going to happen in the next episode of the show you are watching on Netflix! Think about the nice, cold cup of water that is waiting for you when you finish...
17. Last year you got 29 minutes. You can do it better. Come on!!!
18. Don't walk! You're almost there!
19. Okay. Okay. Maybe walking for a second...
20. NO NO NO if you walk you'll never run.
21. Okay... running.... oh my god the cramp is back. What is with me?!?! Maybe it's the way I'm breathing? Sheesh. I don't know.
22. Yes!!!! I see the finish line!
23. I have to sprint now. I know it hurts, but at least it will cut off, like, 40 seconds.
24. OH MY GLOB I FINISHED.
25. WHERE IS THE WATER. THEY'RE OUT OF WATER? CRAP. NO. AHHHH. NO. HMMMMM I'M SO THIRSTY I'M GOING TO DIE
26. Ooh look a dog!
27. 31 MINUTES? ARE YOU KIDDING! I NEVER STOPPED RUNNING.
28. Guess I'll just try again next year...